Today we got our test scores from our first exam in Biology. It wasn't a good grade but better than I thought I would make. Certainly better than the exam grades I got in Biology I. I can see room for improvement. Today I took a test in my Fundamental Math class which I feel super confident about. If I didn't make an A I KNOW I didn't make lower than a B.
Today I went over to my mom's after class to wash some sheets and blankets. She was babysitting little Ronnie, my cousin Sarah's baby. He has changed so much since the last time I saw him which was in December. He has a very round head (from Daddy) but I think he looks like his mother. He also has blue eyes that I guess he got from the boyfriend's side. So durn lucky.
He's so cute. I got to hold him and we played for a bit. I fed him, burped him, and changed him. It's not hard for me to imagine what it would be like to be a mom but also at the same time I might never really know either. This is still just a sore subject with me. Sometimes I try to convince myself that I don't want a child. Maybe it will be easier this way if I just pretend that this is how I want my life to be. Just the two of us. My kids at work always ask if I have children. They are always amazed that I don't and they even ask me if I want any kids. Not like they're curious but it's more like them saying, "What's wrong with YOU." And of course that isn't an appropriate conversation to have with my children so I just say that right now they are my children and that for me it's enough. Oh those little white lies, slowly killing me.
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